There are seasons in life that don’t exactly knock politely. They just walk in, sit down, and rearrange everything in an instant. Literally.
And, if you are like me. You don’t have time to get knocked down….. But, sometimes that is what we need.
This past month has felt like one of those seasons for me. Not chaotic in an obvious way. Not dramatic in a way you can easily explain. Just a slow pile of things that quietly built up until my body finally said, okay, we’re done now.
It started off pretty harmless. I got sick. For the first time in years!
Nothing that felt alarming at first. Just one of those “I’ll be fine in a few days” situations. The kind where you still answer texts, still think about your to-do list, still mentally plan your comeback like you’re about to re-enter life at full speed.
I told myself I’d rest. Stay hydrated, lay low, maybe even romanticize it a little (because if I’m going to be sick, I at least want it to feel slightly aesthetic). And then I’d get right back to normal.
Well if you know me, I didn’t rest.
Because that’s who I am. I’m a “keep going” person. A “we can push through this” person. A “there’s really no convenient time to slow down, so let’s just… not” person.
Especially in this season of my life. I’m building something. Showing up. Creating momentum in my business and in myself. And when you’re in that space, slowing down can feel almost uncomfortable. Like you’re stepping out of alignment instead of into it.
But this time, my body had other plans.
I started to feel better. You know that moment where you wake up and think, okay, we’re back, we’re good, this is over? That moment. And then, very humbling, I got worse again.
Which felt a little unnecessary, if I’m being honest. Like… we already did this. Why are we revisiting?
But underneath the physical part of it, there was something else. This month had already been emotionally heavy in ways I didn’t fully stop to process. Not in a loud, obvious way. More in that quiet, cumulative way where things just sit with you. Moments that felt draining. Conversations that lingered. Situations that required more energy than I realized at the time.
And instead of pausing to feel any of it, I did what I always do. I kept moving.
Until I couldn’t.
And you finally realize pushing through isn’t working this time.
Then came the part I really don’t like.. the part I will avoid for as long as possible. I had to cancel things.
Plans with friends I was actually excited about. Work things. Client conversations. Moments I had already committed to in my head.
And if you’re anything like me, canceling isn’t just canceling. It turns into a whole internal dialogue. Do I sound flaky? Should I just push through? Maybe I can rally for a few hours… (We love a good internal negotiation.)
Because for me, showing up matters. Being reliable matters. Being someone people can count on matters. And when you care deeply, canceling can feel like you’re letting people down. Even when you know you’re not.
But underneath all of that, there was a quieter voice. And it was simple.
You don’t need to rally. You need to rest.
And that’s when something shifted for me. Not dramatically, just softly.
Sometimes the pause isn’t optional. Sometimes, it’s what happens when we didn’t choose it earlier.
Because if I’m honest, there were moments leading up to this where I could have slowed down. Subtle moments. Times I felt a little off, a little run down, a little stretched thin. But I moved past them. Because that’s what we’re used to doing.
We override. We push through. We tell ourselves we’ll rest later.
And eventually, later shows up in a way we didn’t plan for.
This experience forced me to actually tune into my health in a way I don’t always do. Not just physically, but emotionally too. To ask myself: am I actually okay, or just functioning? Am I resting, or just pausing long enough to keep going again? Am I listening to myself, or convincing myself I’m fine?
Because the truth is, when you don’t give yourself space to rest, your body will create it for you. Usually at the most inconvenient time possible.
Which is exactly what this felt like.
But there was also something unexpectedly grounding about it. Because in the middle of canceling things and stepping back, I realized something important.
The right people understand.
My friends didn’t disappear. My clients didn’t suddenly question everything. The opportunities meant for me didn’t evaporate overnight.
And that felt reassuring. Like maybe I don’t have to hold everything so tightly all the time. Like maybe I can trust that what’s meant for me isn’t going anywhere just because I needed to slow down.
I’m still learning that.
I’m learning that rest doesn’t have to be something I earn by reaching a breaking point. That I don’t have to wait until my body forces me to stop. That giving myself grace earlier might actually be the thing that keeps everything flowing not disrupting it.
I’m learning that taking care of myself doesn’t make me less committed. It actually allows me to show up more fully when I am there. More present. More clear. More myself.
So if you’re in a season right now where things feel slower than you want them to, or you’ve had to cancel something, or step back, or take care of yourself in a way that feels unfamiliar…
Maybe nothing is going wrong.
Maybe your body is just asking for your attention.
But even when it is, even when it shows up uninvited, it might still be exactly what you needed.
Maybe the pause isn’t the interruption.
Maybe the pause is the point. 🤍
Xoxo, alli
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